The Gift of Love
Loving anyway~
December 2006

Love as a Practice
Recently I witnessed a friend who was going through major relationship questions, contemplating if she’d outgrown her relationship of several years.  Through great introspection, what surfaced was that it was all about her.  It was not about falling out of love, it was about continuing the practice of love.  I once read in a relationship book, “What do I do if I don’t feel like I love my partner any more?”  And the answer was simply, “Love her”—speaking to the practice of demonstrating love, even if you don’t feel it right then.  Therein, we re-cultivate the seeds of love, and it grows.  Like a garden, you don’t simply plant the seeds one year and expect them to be self-sufficient forevermore.  You must keep nourishing it.

We Can All Love
Anyone can give love.  It is a choice.  No special skills or talents are required; you need not be rich or influential, nor have your life in perfect order.  You merely need to be willing and choose to do it.  What would it be like if throughout the day instead of focusing on what’s not working, you focused on giving love?  A smile is a simple expression.  A compliment, gratitude, listening attentively, celebrating successes, kindly looking someone in the eye, offering compassion, or expressing feelings of affection.  Simple, yes.  Yet I guarantee you will experience life differently on days when this is your focus.

Uncertainty and Loving Anyway
One of the biggest challenges I face is offering “love” when I’m uncertain about its return.  It is easy to love people with whom I have a history and established acceptance.  New people--business associates, friends, romantic relationships, oh that’s the juicy and fairly uncomfortable place for me.  Here’s where I can be a talented fiction writer on a high-adventure, mental road trip.  My current “practice” is to challenge myself to fully express it no matter what.  How can I seek out ways to demonstrate love, help another feel loved, regardless of the outcome?  How can I share love even when I might get nothing back or worse, be rejected?  Even when withdrawal feels safer or I’m scared, I’m aiming to be my fullest expression of love.  Are you?

Loving Amidst Conflict
Occasionally I run into challenging clients, who for a number of reasons, experience frustration/anger/aggression and I’m the receiver.  Recently when a client sent anger my way, I decided to be as loving as possible even though I really wanted to defend myself.  And suddenly, the situation shifted, and the tension was disarmed.  I’m certain it was the love that softened the intensity and helped her to move into patience and compassion for herself, and thus for me.  Underneath, the anger had nothing to do with me, but instead was frustration fueled by her unreasonably high expectations of herself.  She didn’t need me to fight.  She needed to be loved despite her anger.

Where in life can you love someone anyway, even when they come at you in pain or anger?

Staying Mindful
All of these together create a more expansive way of living.  With over 300 shades of love, there are unlimited possibilities to stay mindful of being loving towards ourselves and others.  Continue to choose, over and over, to be your fullest expression of love.  Remember that love is infinite and you’re not going to use up your supply on one person and come up short with another.  And in this season that begs the question, “what should I give?”  Give love.

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