February 2005



Happiness need not be complicated or elusive. It need not be contingent upon the “if…then” scenario, “if I had a successful relationship, then I could be happy.” Often times we must explore our relationship with our self to expand more deeply into our true selves and happiness. It may require a departure from the way we’ve always seen ourselves and a shedding of skin, so to speak, releasing what is no longer who we are.

Falling in Love with Yourself
One of life’s greatest pleasures is available to you right now. It’s yours forever once you choose to embrace it and it is contingent only upon you. In my experience the factor most destructive to joy and self-esteem is not loving oneself — of being hard on oneself, self-critical, that little voice in our mind that beats us up when we perceive we could have done something differently, better. A wonderful movie that demonstrates this is the recent What the Bleep Do We Know?, a must see! Begin by loving yourself today.

In simple terms — accept, adore, appreciate, and acknowledge the beauty of you, the perfection of who you are right now at this moment. Not how you wish you were or how you’ll be in 3 months when you lose the weight. Right now.

Notice your mental commentary throughout the day. Do you say “that was so dumb”, “oh no he’s not going to call, he must not like me.” Are you angry, do you feel frustrated? Are you critical of others, do people bug you? Explore those emotions and see if they might not be rooted in self-criticism. Only you can shift this.

Practice looking into the mirror, deeply into your own eyes. See beyond the physical and into who you truly are. Send acceptance to yourself; remember that you are doing your best. Notice how you might be judging yourself — words to watch for are “should, could or would” or “if only”. Give yourself permission to ease up on you; believe that you already are perfect — not that you have to do something to become perfect. Substitute new mental commentary that you are amazing, beautiful, luminous, talented, and intelligent. We may chuckle remembering Stuart Smally from Saturday Night Live, “by golly I like myself.” However, when I believe myself to be a bright light and a “goddess” who is doing my best, it works, and I feel happiness fill me! Instead of sending myself critical thoughts, I choose to notice my positive qualities and attributes and believe that I deserve of a great life. You do too.

Other ways to practice loving yourself: cook a nice meal for yourself, complete with candlelight, go dancing, get a massage, take a walk in the middle of the day because you deserve it, try a new lotion that smells amazing to you, say no to obligations that aren’t uplifting to you, release negative people from your life, go to bed early. There are many ways that you can communicate to yourself that you love YOU.

Releasing Resistance
Once you have begun this process, you must get out of your own way. You may experience shifts quickly that feel like you are pretending, or that it is not true. You may start to feel happy and worry that it may all be taken away. You may start to feel closer to your goals and become frightened of what that would actually mean.

Resistance may appear like doubt, denial, confusion, feeling stuck or choosing negative thoughts or behaviors. It may be that you fill your schedule so full that you are exhausted. You are merely getting in your own way. Just as a snake sheds its skin as it grows, you too must release what is no longer true to your essence, what is no longer who you are — instead expanding and embracing your potential.

Allow. Release resistance. Just as you wouldn’t try to sail with the anchor down, you must release that which prevents you from moving forward. Enjoy the freedom of letting go, coupled with the excitement/scariness of a new way of life.

So best wishes on your journey toward happiness!

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