Measuring the Value of a Life
What’s Your Worth?
Part one
February 2007

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry.  We shall get there someday.”
Winnie the Pooh

What’s your worth? 

A loaded question it drives to the depths of who we perceive ourselves to be.  Is it even possible to measure one’s worth, or the value of one life as compared to another?  Hardly, and yet every day we’re driven not just by the desire to be our best, but also an often unconscious ache to prove our worth, to earn our keep, all the while comparing ourselves to others.  A potentially damaging habit that threatens our long-term happiness.

Several years ago I coached a highly driven woman who’d made her mark in the business arena.  She was proud of her accomplishments and associated closely with achievement and hard work, holding it all together and playing her roles really well.  It struck me odd one day to hear her reveling about how successful she was at taking a shorter maternity leave and getting right back into the swing of things, not missing a beat in business, proving everyone wrong about how it would affect her career.  She proved them wrong all right.  And what did she really win?  What did she lose?

Who Defines Your Worth?

Unfortunately much of our sense of self-worth comes from outside ourselves… what others tell us we are good at and what we need to do to be successful, valuable.  We get tied up in being productive and creating visible, measurable results and then get feedback that tells us we’re valuable.  I believe that this concept of “productivity = worth,” is detrimental.  It compels us to feel we must be productive every moment, so as not to “waste time” on simple things, quiet moments, seated meals, intimate connections, introspection, lest we feel guilty for not doing something useful.  I dare implore, what’s useful and to whom?

It is easy for me to forget.  I might get pulled off track worrying if someone likes my work, if I did a good job, if I made a difference that day.  I’ll catch myself running around to get stuff done, checking things off my list, feverishly typing to accomplish something-- all tense in my body and shallow in breath.  Surface living.  In that moment I’ve lost myself, and my self-worth and happiness become dictated by outside factors, many of which are beyond my control.  The pendulum swings from “they had a good session, I’m happy” to “they don’t like my work, I’m sad.”  A human yo-yo.  This is no way to live.  I must claim my worth.  Me.  Perhaps someone can help me remember my worth if I’ve lost my way, however, no one can make me more or less valuable with their words and opinions.  Herein is one key to happiness.  Unshakable self-worth based on my relationship with me.

Coming From Within

Our sense of self-worth must come from within.  This may fly in the face of your current conditioning, being so accustomed to money or recognition as your measure.  It summons you to come to peace with and love who you are already, release the performance pressure, and let go of needing someone else’s approval to feel good.  Though we each were born with gifts and talents to offer the world, in reality YOU are the gift.  It is terrific to be a contributing member of society.  And at the same time, there is nothing you need to DO to be of worth.  It is in the stillness of yourself that you find true fulfillment and approval.

So whether you are a celebrity, a waiter, a top performer in your company, a street sweeper or professional student, your life matters.  You are of value.  And the next time you begin to question your worth, look within.  It’s all there.

To be continued….

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