Dynamic Living Newsletter Feb 09

The path to ultimate freedom

As an art major in college I learned quickly how subjective art is.

At shows I'd see a variety of artist's work --some I'd like and some not-so-much. With that, I understood that my approval of a piece didn't make the artist any more or less skilled, the piece any less important or real. Art is subjective and as a culture we accept that one person might view art as "good," and the next --"awful!" If only we could adapt this to ourselves, trusting that if we believe in our greatness, that's what matters --rather than getting pulled off course by what others think and expect.

How's Your Compass?
Your Inner Compass is knowing who you are, where you are going and that you are valuable human being, regardless of any external feedback you might receive.

Some kids are wildly independent thinkers from the start. Most of us however receive lots of guidance from our elders and community-we learn good and bad, right and wrong. We receive praise for "appropriate" behavior and disapproval for "inappropriate" behavior. For an orderly society, there is a certain amount of "following directions" required. However, at its extreme, when we begin to rely too heavily on external feedback for direction, approval, and self-image, we lose trust in ourselves and lose connection with our Inner Compass.

I began college as an education major; it seemed "written" as my path. Yet, for a number of reasons, I felt out of sync with that path, realizing I didn't want to pursue it. I changed my mind several times, doing my best to follow my Inner Compass. When I settled on Studio Art, it was not initially popular with my parents (they still loved and supported me, however it wasn't a highly practical career. How would I make a living?) And yet, I was happiest when doing my art, so I made the choice, at the risk of disappointing my parents or teachers who'd hoped I'd become a teacher. I was happy and living in integrity with my heart, my choice.

Note: I notice that in some areas of life I am better at listening to my Inner Compass than in others. It may be true for you too. You might be great at taking a stand at work, but when it comes to your family, you can't say no. It's worth exploring.

Pitfalls Extrinsic Motivation
Extrinsic Motivation "The desire or push to perform a certain behavior based on the potential external rewards that may be received as a result."

I studied for exams to get good grades. I worked hard as a runner for the thrill of the team's win, pushing myself even more if I knew I my placement was key to our success. When I first started giving presentations, I'd mentally torture myself if I couldn't tell whether people liked it. Years ago if someone told me I was doing something wrong in my job, I'd feel sick, like I'd committed an unredeemable error. Like many others, I'd become wrapped up in looking outside myself for approval. But for you it might be that you work extra hard for the annual bonus as a reward/ measure of your work (money is extrinsic). It might be that you love praise and are motivated by making others happy.

There is nothing wrong with this. There is simply risk. When we become accustomed to extrinsic reward and one day the reward goes away, we risk losing part/ all of our sense of worth, purpose and motivation. We haven't necessarily developed our intrinsic, rock-solid sense of self.

AND to me there is an incredible distinction between doing something because you truly want to vs. doing something for extrinsic reward, especially when the "doing" causes you depletion and frustration. That's neither freedom, nor living in integrity with your heart.

You can step into freedom simply by choosing to be where you are, doing what you're doing. You can change your thinking from "I have to" to "I choose to" in one second. I'm all for contribution and giving of your time and self. When an opportunity for contribution presents itself, simply take a moment and check with your Inner Compass, and choose-- make sure it's in alignment with you, be conscious in your choice. And then make the choice yours (even if someone else wanted it for you, you can own it.) If it's not a match, if it depletes you, give yourself permission to let it go.

You will create the most "magic" in the world when you contribute from what is a match with you and your heart. Contribute, work hard, give of yourself because you can, not for the reward. Then the experience is the reward, and the bonus is, well, a bonus!

Also let's remember that creating an amazing life is our greatest work of art-- and art is subjective. As long as you enjoy it, then it's a masterpiece.

Much joy and freedom,
Robin