Measuring the Value of a Life
What’s Your Worth?
Part two
March 2007

“Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance.”
Bruce Barton

Working Your Edge…Too Far

At one point during my sophomore year in college I wanted to “disappear,” cash out.  I’d been a high achiever my whole life, straight A’s, a strong athlete on a winning team, the lead in musicals, the gamut.  When it came to college, there was so much I wanted to do and try and be.  I lost my sense of boundaries and ability to say no (mainly to myself) and became so overcommitted that I wished I could bail from life.  It became a slow drifting from everyone and everything--I’d overloaded my circuits, missed all my body’s warning cues.  I had blown right over my edge and found myself free-falling, unsure how I could possibly land intact.  It was a hard, yet powerful lesson to learn, which I’m grateful to have learned early in life.

Over the years I’ve noticed a strong correlation between motivation and self-care.  It seems that when we become over-focused on productivity and under-focused on self-care and rejuvenation, our motivation dips or altogether crashes.  (Ever notice how after working really hard for a long stretch, you get the overwhelming urge to do nothing, be a sloth, rebel against having to get things done?)  We can push push push the edge for only so long and then we hit a wall or something “breaks.” (You get sick, can’t concentrate, forget important things, can’t sleep or relationships fail.)  Often we may think that the problem is the thing that is broken, placing blame on the job, another person, society.  But these are not the problem.  The problem is the pushing.  The problem is thinking you have to prove your worth to others.

The Myth of Getting Ahead

So where is ahead exactly?  We’ve got this illusion that somehow we can get ahead if we push just a little harder.  That one day we’ll be “caught up” so then we can finally relax and enjoy life.  Are you waiting for everything to be perfect before you take the trip, dive into love, address conflict, ask big questions, make the leap?  Do you postpone life for achievement or getting everything in order first? 

I’d invite you to get present instead.  Learn the language of your body’s cues so that you can avoid burnout and enjoy now, and live more in sync with who you are, now.

How to Listen

Initially most people have little sense of what their body “feels like,” be it emotional or physical, wondering, “What do you mean, feel like?”  It means that every thought and action has a reaction in your body.  Eventually you can learn its cues, and that your body is your greatest ally and resource for wisdom. 

One night I felt tension in my belly and chest and assumed it was because of my looming “to do” list.  In the morning however, still feeling the same, I decided to “check in” with myself to understand what was going on.  I sat down, focused on my heart and belly, taking time to breathe, slow down and listen.  In the stillness I discovered that the tension was from internal conflict –that I was pushing myself in work in effort to prove myself and wasn’t fully trusting myself to make healthy choices.  I realized I needed to let go of trying to control outcomes or how people felt about me, my work.  I had to remember I was doing was my best and that was enough.  To let go of perfect, let go of worry and to take great care of myself.  As these insights arose, the tension dissipated.

Feeling pain in your back, chest, belly?  Digestion off?  This is your body saying, “A-hem, may I have your attention pleeeease?”  If you ignore, it will increase the “volume.”  Please listen.  (If you don’t know how to listen, I can help!)

Result: Reclaimed Energy…

Although releasing the love affair with drama, (peaks of pushing yourself and valleys of crashing motivation) may initially feel boring, the benefits of honoring yourself become apparent quickly.  When you stop trying to please others and listen to your body’s cues, you reclaim massive amounts of previously wasted energy.  What would you like to create with all that energy?  The possibilities are endless.

Break free.

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