How often do we make decisions under the influence of popular belief or authority? Often times unbeknownst to us, we are doing what everyone else is doing, be it working 10 or 11 hour days, or living out particular beliefs about wealth or opportunity, regardless of whether it's real, true or matches our values and desires.
In Denver we're blessed with a fabulous recycling program that works like clockwork. Every other Tuesday bright and early, the city comes and collects the recycling. However, after a holiday, they collect on Wednesday. As I write, yesterday was President's Day, so although I didn't look at the actual schedule, I had it in my mind that recycling would be tomorrow.
However, while walking my dogs I noticed everyone's recycling was out. And I mean everyone. On every alley I went by, the recycling bins were put out, ready to be collected. "Oh no, what if I messed it up, recycling is today and I missed it?" And I began second guessing myself. In the end of course, it wouldn't be a crisis, just annoying. Then I asked myself, "Is it possible everyone has it wrong?"
Yes, it actually is.
It is essential to trust yourself.
Trust Yourself
Several years ago I was limited to in-network dentists unless I wanted to pay all out of pocket. As a result I "chose" Comfort Dental. This dentist had done a crown or two and some fillings for me. One day he was looking at a tooth and told me I'd need yet another crown; I had a filling with decay around it and to save the tooth I needed a crown. I couldn't bear the thought of another crown. I kept asking, "Are you sure there's no other options? Are you positive I must have a crown, that there's nothing else we can do?" (Aside from wanting to save my whole tooth, it was also expensive!) He assured me that no, it was my only choice.
I decided not to schedule it and left. I kept feeling in my gut that it wasn't true. I decided to get a 2nd opinion, a dentist who was the brother of a close friend. He emphatically said in no way did I need a crown, just a new filling! Just to be sure, I got a 3rd opinion- my endodontist (root canal specialist). He said the same thing that absolutely no, the tooth was perfectly healthy, it simply needed the filling replaced.
The Responsibility is Yours
I'm not saying this to make you distrust trained professionals. It is rather to encourage you to listen to your gut more than others' opinions and "shoulds" especially when you feel strongly about something. This is the ultimate in taking responsibility for your life. For example, instead of pushing yourself to injury in yoga because you followed the teacher's instructions, listen to your body and stop at your edge. You know best.
Most bosses will not tell you, "Go take some time off. You look like hell and need to take better care of yourself." Or "I realize that because of overtime you've been neglecting your family, which might cost you your marriage. Go home." It is up to you to claim your life. No one is going to shake you awake to your opportunities and the beauty of life all around you, force you to dive into it fully, to adore your life, live it like you mean it, and live it like it's your one shot.
The next time you start second guessing yourself in the face of what's popular, pause. Trust yourself and your values and decide for yourself. Sometimes you're going to be wrong. So what? That's called experimentation and learning. Developing the muscle to take a stand "in the face of non-agreement" (as they say in Landmark), is well worth the courage you expend. That's how a lot of regular people not only made history, but made an immense difference in the world.
In summary resist what's popular when it doesn't match your values or what you know to be true; take time to reflect and cultivate trust in yourself; and take responsibility and exercise your courage to choose what's best for your life.
PS Happy March! Spring is right around the corner!
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