Perfectionism: A Wiley Snare
June 2006

 “Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result
of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness.
We are surprised at our own versatility
in being able to fail in so many different ways.”
Samuel McChord Crothers

A Silent Toxin
Perfectionism is a slow acting toxin that seeps into all the nooks and crannies of an otherwise spectacular life and sabotage our best intentions.  It trips us up, making us think we have to do “it” perfectly or not at all.  Perfectionism is a ploy of the ego to keep us exactly where we are, afraid that if we discover how unnecessary and damaging perfectionism is, that suddenly it, (ego) will be out of a job.

Frequently I see clients suffering through what I affectionately call the “all or nothing” syndrome—where they either have to do it fully and perfectly, or not at all.  (“If I can’t go to the gym for at least an hour 4 days a week, I won’t go.”)  This crippling “syndrome” slows or prevents us from unfolding into our talents, gifts, and vibrant expression of ourselves because we get hung up on the details, instead of the big picture.  It robs us of delighting in simple pleasures as we obsess with fixing what’s wrong with us, our jobs, and loved ones.  Have you been caught in a snare while seeking perfection?

Celebrating Your Quirks
Quirks and imperfections are cousins.  They’re the “special somethings” that set us apart from one another, and can drive us and others crazy, yet are simply divine.  Recently one of my dearest friends reminded me how for years I’ve brought my slippers to people’s houses during the winter.  Since perhaps middle school?  I seriously doubt I’d find it suggested behavior in a book on etiquette, and yet I just can’t help myself.  I simply love slippers in the winter!

What are your quirks that make you, you?  They might be sources of teasing at times and yet, if you stopped, someone would certainly miss those silly little things you do!

Accepting Imperfection
What do you want to leave behind after you’ve gone?  How do you want to be remembered?  If it is to be remembered for your perfectly pressed suit/outfit, your flawless presentations and glitch-less parties, terrific!  If not, consider imperfection.  Life is messy.  You will royally goof up, repeatedly.  You’ll see how you could always do more, work harder and you’ll want to criticize yourself for mistakes.  This is life!  You are practicing.  Would you ever scream at a child as it repeatedly tipped over and fell while learning to walk?  We are simply learning to live.

Note: The more I allow others to see my struggles, my mistakes and the lessons I fail to fully grasp, the closer our relationships become.  Oddly, imperfections bond us.  We are all the same.  We are human.  We are here to learn, grow, fail and get back up.  We are here to love.

Risking Foolishness for Freedom
In the space where quirks, making mistakes, and imperfection overlap is a vibrant laboratory for all-out living.  Recently two close (young) friends were diagnosed with life-threatening diseases.  This renewed my awareness of the preciousness of life and my commitment to live fully with greater perspective.  I’ve decided I’d rather risk rejection than leave love unspoken; that I’d rather fail in my business than never really go for it.  What would you do differently?  How willing are you to look foolish for the sake of freedom, to push the edge of your gifts, desires and self-expression?  How willing are you to accept and love others in their foolishness and imperfection?

Waiting for the Perfect…
Time, job, love, home.  Reminder, you will goof up royally.  So get on with it.  I believe there is a place of possibility that sits between having high standards/powerful intentions and waiting ineffectually.  At times you will just know “it” is perfect.  Other times it is an illusion and the hours and days will while away as you sit adamantly devoted to perfection, inadvertently watching amazing opportunities pass you by.  Would you rather die waiting, or in the throes of loving, flailing, trying, succeeding, failing and welcoming in the potential for pleasure?  The choice is yours.

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