Uncovering life long patterns
A key to freedom
July 2005



Have you ever found yourself face to face with a challenge that appears repeatedly? Perhaps you seem to have the same issues arise with supervisors asking too much of you, or you tend to attract the same type of unavailable romantic partners, or are consistently overcommitted and exhausted. This is no coincidence. Patterns are lessons.

The question is, are you listening?

Patterns offer a potent opportunity to free yourself of a limitation that holds you back in some way. (In this case, I am referring to patterns that create difficulty.) It is a message of sorts from your life to you, a way to “send a memo,” to remind you of the prospective liberation. You may find the patterns tedious, saying “I knew this was going to happen!” or “Why does it always turn out this way?” It can be incredibly frustrating. Until you acknowledge it and honor it.

Taking the aerial view
Often we are too immersed in our lives to see the patterns. A classic example is when your best friend is confused about a life-stress, yet the solution is obvious to you. However, in your own life, you are too close or become emotionally blinded to what is really happening, feeling cloudy or stuck.

Step back. Consciously look at the situation from above, and observe your pattern from a more neutral perspective. Raise your awareness to the truth of the situation without judging it…you are not bad, weak, stupid, or unworthy for having this pattern in your life. You are an ever-evolving human being on the path of life trying to find the trail markers. Give yourself a break—the judging is pointless and unproductive. The learning is primary.

To the root
Observe your pattern. Sit down or go for a walk where you can have time alone (i.e. stop racing around like a wild animal). Consider what difficulty is repeatedly occurring in your life. Explore how this might be a lesson for you so that you can interrupt the pattern—life is not about ceaseless suffering. If you have a multitude of patterns, choose the one that feels right to start with. If you can, uncover the root pattern and follow it to its source. This may be difficult, raise emotions you didn’t know existed, cause you to suddenly question who you are and how to live differently—these patterns having been so ingrained in you thus far.

Often our patterns relate back to not valuing ourselves in some way. Whether you work yourself to oblivion or you choose partners who are unable to love you as fully as you would like, on some level, you may be choosing to stay “safe” in your unfulfilled place rather than to acknowledge that you desire and deserve more. If you were to move out of the safe discomfort and unfulfillment, you may risk being rejected in some way or experience a version of failure, later losing what you desire. To not risk, you simply get to stay in your predictable pattern of frustration and disappointment. Is that really better?

Be willing
Be willing to do the work. From what I can tell in my life and the lives of many friends, clients, and associates, these patterns don’t simply dissolve on their own. It takes attention, self-compassion, conscious awareness, understanding and finally new choices. It is a constant practice of evolving ourselves into our best selves. If you demonstrate willingness to spelunk into your dark nooks and crannies of outmoded patterns, you will likely receive rewards of freedom and a sense of inspiration and motivation to finally experience the life you’ve been seeking.

close window